The Scrambles of Robin Hood
Chapter Two
(Based off the classic by Howard Pyle)
Well the Sheriff wasn't too happy that the Communist Robin Hood hadn't been locked up yet, and people laughed at him. The Sheriff didn't like this, so he went a-pouting and a-crying to jolly King Whatever-His-Name-Was and complained about this troublesome outlaw.
"A banana, a banana," quoth he, kneeling in front of the King.
"Those are hard to come by, good chap," replied the King. "I sense you want more than just a banana, though. Let's hear it."
"O good Lord and Sovereign and King and Beloved One and Mighty and Powerful and-"
"Fine! Here's your banana."
"I wanted to tell you about this rebellious bugger called Robin, of the Hood, whose increasing gang has been stealing and redistributing funds. It's hurting the local economy."
"What the devil?! A Communist, here in Mother England? You'd best sort him out, my good law-abiding citizen."
"But your majesty -"
"Off with you now, enjoy the banana. They're bloody hard to obtain, those things."
So the Sheriff returned to Nottingham, disheartened because of the Kings dismissal and with a stomachache from the imported banana.
On the way home, however, a thought struck him.
"Eureka!" He yelled, stripping off all of his clothes and galloping home naked. "I know - I'll organize a shooting match! No way the bugger could resist coming to that!"
So he did.
When Robin of the Hood heard of this nefarious competition, he saw it for the trap it was quite easily. "Not many men can go riding through the countryside naked and shouting plans to the wind and not be noticed," quoth he. And one of his men, standing nearby, wrote down the words to be forever immortalized on paper - except none of them could write, and it came out as something like "Workers of the World, unite!"
Well, Robin wanted to put one over the bloody Sheriff of Nottingham, so he disguised himself and went to the match.
The Sheriff, as could be expected, thought his plan was brilliant and flawless. He was looking through all the competitors, and he knew most of them, but there were a couple he didn't know. And he couldn't see any Robin Hood.
"Blast and curse it, where is the varmint?" he asked his chief adviser.
"Well, sir, maybe he's wearing different clothes to change his appearance," his adviser replied. "There's a word for it, probably French - disguise, I think."
"Bah, well, if it's French, it's definitely flawed," the Sheriff snorted. "No way he'd do something like that. Well, keep a weather eye out for him anyhow."
But in spite of them keeping many a weather eye out, they still didn't see the infamous Robin Hood.
"Blast it! I fully expected him to waltz into a party where he's the most wanted man, surrounded by my men-at-arms, fully visible and just asking to be arrested!" cursed the Sheriff. "What could have possibly gone wrong?"
Meanwhile Robin was snickering with his gang in the Forest, 'cause he'd won the prize - a rather snazzy looking bling item: a golden arrow.
"Say, good chaps, I'd like to stick this up the Sheriff's rear a little more," he commented. "And I know just the way to do it."
The very same night when the Sheriff and his wife and kids sat down to dinner, an arrow flew through the window and impaled one of his children through the neck, pinning him to the table.
"Oh dear, someone's killed Julius!"
"Et tu, arrow?" quoth the Sheriff, and then he laughed at his joke. "Oh, I mean, Julius! My youngest son! Whatever shall I do?"
"'Ey look, there's something attached to the arrow."
"Methinks that arrow came from Sherwood Forest, milord."
The Sheriff raised an eyebrow. "Oh yeah? And just how can you tell?"
"It's got a 'Sherwoord Forest tm' emblazoned on the shaft, milord. And I think it's got a message for you."
They took the piece of paper from the arrow, peering at the blood-soaked scrap.
DISGUISE
"BLOODY OUTLAAAAAAAAAAWS!!!"
