Yo.
Wassup.
Not much, you?
Shut up and go away, Reaper. I was asking my readers.
Precious is an idiot. Precious has no readers.
I said. Shut up. And go away.
.........................................
is he gone?
Right. Very loud post title, huh? Well, that's because we're going to be talking about some serious stuff here.
Bad stories.
I'm going to take several stories I hate (because we all know, if I don't like something it's bad) and give them summarized up in a few sentences so you don't have to go through the torture of reading them.
Aren't I so generous?
Frankenstein (nope, not sorry Mrs. Maupin)
Who's this guy that washed up on my ship? Oh, heavens! HE SPEAKS! Hi, I'm Frankenstein, also known as Colossal Idiot. I got obsessed with a stupid theory and created a monster who I then forsook and got mad at because I ignored it then ignored it some more and got even more mad at because I ignored it some more and then it killed my wife and I shall chase it until I freeze, and good riddance. The end.
Pride and Prejudice
Must get married must get married must get married must get married must...AAAAAH! Stupid girls, stupid girls everywhere! Stuck-up arrogant guy! Kind of an awesome girl! She brings him down and they fall in love! Still a better love story than Twilight! THE END.
The Scarlet Letter
EVIL WOMAN! MUST BE BANISHED WITH WEIRD LETTER ON CHEST! Sad, sad, sad. Must win Guinness World Record for Total Depression. Pastor who seems good is actually culprit. But they were in wuuuv! WHO CARES. MUST DIE. (still a better love story than Twilight) Annoyingly long descriptions, annoyingly annoying kid...weird ending.
Ivanhoe (I didn't totally hate this one)
GRASS! Oh heavenly sweet grass grass grass oh grass tell me your secrets...grass you are divine and so awesome...TREES! Oh sweet sweet trees how great thou art and lofty and high and...LEAVES! Oh leaves that grow on TREES and fall and are brown and green and red and yellow and...PLOT! Wait, what? Go away! More descriptions! The end.
Twilight
Stupid idiot of a girl falls in love with a sparkly effeminate vampire and manages to make a whole series.
...WAT.
And there you go. These descriptions are accurate. Don't believe me?
Well.
THAT'S TOO BAD.
Guess you'll have to endure them yourself. Muhahaha....
Liar, liar, Reaper. *I* read this blog, so go in a corner and bang your head against a wall until you can't see.
ReplyDeleteI never laughed so hard, and I haven't even read any of these books... o.o
You haven't read them?
DeleteYou came to the right place, then. XD
glad you liked it.
Well...I read the first three chapters of Pride and Prejudice until I was like, "Ummm...wut?" And I tried a little bit of Twilight, but it was all too much of, "OOOOHHHH!!! The ONE NEW GIRL is the girl that the vampire JUST SO HAPPENS to fall in love with!!!" Too much Eros love, not enough reason for it.
DeleteI've heard about the other books though, and it'd seem you agree with many others. XD
I too have not read all of those books (Twilight? I mean, come on- my IQ can only take so much lowering through being on the Internet, ya know?), and I can say now that I have absolutely no desire to read Ivanhoe. The Scarlet Letter, though? That was perfect. Yes. Just... yes.
ReplyDeleteLet me claim then that I only read Twilight for the purpose of knowing my enemy.
DeleteHee hee...Ivanhoe wasn't THAT bad, in fact it had a pretty interesting story. I just wanted to make fun of its annoyingly detailed and long descriptions.
Why would you even defile yourself for the sake of "knowing your enemy"? I mean, they made Wikepedia for a reason. :P
DeleteYou have clearly never read a military book. Or extensively played strategy games.
Delete*huff*
Eh, I didn't consider all the work necessary. ;) If by chance, there is ever a fangirl or fanboy of the "enemy" who wanted to gush to front of me...
Delete*grabs Jõ and chuckles evilly*
Pride and Prejudice is a piece of art! Though, I have to say, the book, way to slow. The movie, Colin Firth was in it. Need I say more?
ReplyDelete